Relocating Your Mind November 11 2015, 0 Comments
I told my uncle not to message me old pictures of my father when he was a kid. I kinda feel bad, but given the context, I mean... c'mon. I didn't get it. I wonder about my entire family line. I'm the black sheep in a field of psychopaths. I'm a lion who thinks she's a sheep.
Am I? That would explain a lot of things, but I don't feel like a lion half the time. That also explains a lot of things.
I wish I never came out to Oregon. I wish I could've stayed in Virginia with my grandmother and lived there for a while. I wish moved to California instead. Someone on Facebook suggested the mountains of North Carolina. Seems intriguing. Gaia Conceptions is there. Politics. I sense politics. I might move to Portland because it's closer, and all that water runs through it. Plus mountains. And shops. Yes to shops. I miss shops. I remember when I showed up in Portland in the train station, I thought it was pretty cool. I would've been happy to stay there, but the destination was Eugene.
Fucking life, man. I don't even know.
I wished I moved away from this town a couple years ago, when I first realized I should. Now it seems impossible. Roots. Kids. I want us to stay close together.
I wonder if people will stop wanting batiks one day, like poof. The horrible experience in the stupid guru's Facebook group set me back a page, shaking my confidence. Not in my art, but in my self-worth. Ah, so fragile. I wish I had a better grip on that, thanks mom and dad for being such fucking psychos. I hope you're reading this. I know you are, which is just creeping me out.
I'm sure people will hate me for not loving my parents unconditionally, at least that's what they told me. Oddly, when I talk about it publicly, the animosity doesn't flourish (as much) (don't get your hopes up). Maybe I can win this battle after all.
I decided stay in the Guru group another couple days to see if my assessment of the bullshit level was accurate, and I can say with complete authority that it is. The last business review the Guru did was for a struggling MLM pyramid scheme seller. The guru was certain she could turn it into "a million dollar business in a year" if they joined her OTHER private mastermind VIP course. Omg... please. Yet, my art has "no potential"? Ha, what she meant was you can't be fooled so please leave my group.
I couldn't get through the other videos. I saw what was going on. God, but I'm ticked off that I was even in there, taking things seriously at one time. Dammit, I feel dumb about it now. I actually left the group a year ago, then joined back in, thinking there still may be some redeeming value. Wrong, wrong.
Forgiveness, forgiveness! Let's bask in the forgiveness of making mistakes. I don't know if getting into the practice of it would alleviate the burden of my bad days, but maybe it would.
I noticed someone on Instagram questioned Gaia Conceptions 5% off coupon code. So it's not just me! Someone had the cajones to say something. I mean, if you're gonna do coupon codes.... You know? I'm not going to do coupon codes. I tend screw them up. The last time I emailed out a coupon code, only one person was able to redeem it. UHHH so embarrassing!! I haven't sent an eletter since.
Facebook is so much easier. Faster. More transparent.
So I've noticed people like to shop. The new idea of only having scheduled sales might be the right angle for this batik business. I like to express myself a lot, so I can still do video and this blog, but keep the page more focused on sales...
Or keep posting it on Facebook too? I think they like it, but I can't tell. I don't know. Food for thought.
Don't read this blog, people. I'm getting annoyed just writing it. All my east-coastness is coming out. I wonder if it's changed much since I've been there. I kinda miss it. I can kinda imagine it just fine too.
I still want one of their dresses tho.